This Week in Douchebaggery
Phil Mickelson
"If you add up all the federal and you look at the disability and the unemployment and the Social Security and the state, my tax rate's 62, 63 percent," he was quoted as saying in Yahoo Sports. "So I've got to make some decisions on what I'm going to do."
Mickelson's tax rate, however, is closer to 51%, according to the Tax Foundation and California tax experts. His winnings and endorsements, which Sports Illustrated pegged at nearly $61 million in its most recent annual estimate, subject him to the highest marginal rates for married couples.
Poor Phil. I think I speak for many Californians when I say, tax rates in Arizona are much lower and that creepy grin of yours will stand out much less. Just go, Phil. Leave.
Manti Te'o
Te’o showed up on the set of Katie Couric this week attempting for the first time to help us all make sense of his confusing, pathetic tale of a two year love affair with a woman who never existed.
Of course his best girl turned out to be a man with a fabulous falsetto. With a straight face Te’o asked us all to believe that he reacted to being embarrassed when discovering his dead girlfriend was never anything – much less female.
Couric asked lots of tough first questions but exactly zero difficult follow-ups. For example, when Te’o denied being gay her follow-up should have been, “seriously, c’mon, Manti. You’re gay, right?”
On the list of questions never asked were, “why did you not visit your girlfriend after her car accident?”
“Why did you not visit your girlfriend during chemo?”
“Why did you not attend your girlfriend’s funeral?”
Couric asked lots of tough first questions but exactly zero difficult follow-ups. For example, when Te’o denied being gay her follow-up should have been, “seriously, c’mon, Manti. You’re gay, right?”
On the list of questions never asked were, “why did you not visit your girlfriend after her car accident?”
“Why did you not visit your girlfriend during chemo?”
“Why did you not attend your girlfriend’s funeral?”
My money is squarely on Te'o being gay. I don't anticipate we'll ever see him come out if he is gay, though. Imagine being a Mormon football player at a Catholic university. That has to be the darkest, coldest closet ever.
Rand Paul
Kentucky Senator told Secretary of State Hillary Clinton that he would have fired her over the Benghazi attack and aftermath if he were President.
While Clinton should be applauded for not doing a spit take all over the front row, Paul should be openly mocked for entertaining such a fantasy while awake.
The footage will certainly find its way onto Paul's campaign ads from now until he retires from the Senate. The fine folks of Kentucky will be impressed with how he took on that liberal lady.
Kirill Bartashevitch
Kirill Bartashevitch, 52, of St. Paul was arrested and charged with two counts of felony terroristic threats for allegedly threatening his daughter and wife with an assault rifle.
Turns out Bartashevitch was making a point to his fifteen year-old daughter after she brought home an uninspired report card (2 B’s and 2 A’s)
